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Mid-Week Ramblings January 17, 2018

puertorico

Very briefly.

I have just over a week until I leave on my cruise and I don’t really intend to stick to any particular update schedule between now and then. Other than getting an update done to Turning Page, I will let whatever moves me to work its update magic for the next week.

There will be a 100 word fic Friday. We’ll see what I have for next Friday, if anything. Same goes for Friday, Feb 02. I will be on the ship eating, drinking and being merry, but I might, just might though, have something scheduled for that day. Remains to be seen.

This past week I saw Jumanji. I enjoyed it quite a bit. I think that’s it for movies until we are back from the cruise. Not even sure there’s anything in February I particularly want to see. I did finally catch on streaming, Rogue One, and Doctor Strange. I was pretty meh on Rogue One, but I did quite like Doctor Strange.

My friend’s birthday is Friday so we will be going out to dinner. She was supposed to go up to Paso Robles for the weekend but the freeway up there remains closed due to the mudslides and rather than going around like normal people she chose to cancel the whole thing. Anyway, her BF is taking her to a fancy place and invited us and is going to pay, so that’s our Friday evening.

Other than that, I think this weekend will be pretty chill though I may begin the packing process for the cruise. Not sure I will have a rambles up Monday or not. We shall see.

 

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100 Words or Less Flash

sensitive

He watched as the sandy-haired man glanced his way, his blue eyes widening just slightly. Perhaps in recognition. Perhaps that was more than he could hope for. After a moment the man’s gaze drifted away, back to the coffee cup in front of him.

He tamped down his disappointment. Somehow he should have realized that this would not be that easy.

He hovered in the doorway of the seedy café, wondering if he ought to enter. But he could not resist the pull of the man seated at the counter. He approached. Blue eyes flashed to him.

“Jim.”

Brief Update

stxmas

You will see that I managed to update two non-Christmas stories this week. Young and Beautiful and Unbonded.

I got my chapter for Celebrate Me Home done quite early this week and that freed me up to work on the two oldest WIPs (meaning the longest time updating them)

Ramblings of the Week, November 7, 2017

lick

I finally got Didn’t We Almost Have it All updated this week. I have this visual in my head, though it hasn’t made it into the fiction, of Jim saying to Bones. “We almost had it all, didn’t we, Bones?” Of course there was a Whitney song that the title came from, but I still see that scene in my head between Jim and Bones.

I would place that scene in the hospital after Jim wakes up after the shuttle accident and Bones, recovering himself, comes to see him. By this time, Jim knows that Spock and Uhura’s wedding is going to be soon. Chekov is dead. As are the pilot and the security guard obviously.

I think in my mind that Jim is particularly haunted by the guard’s death. Because he thinks here is a person who had hopes and dreams and people that cared about him, who he mattered to, and yet Jim didn’t even consider him when choosing who to save. I think that’s powerful stuff.

Anyway, during this conversation that apparently took place off the pages of my story, during a time when their conversation has lagged, for the first time in years, Bones and Jim aren’t even sure what to say to each other, and Jim finally says, “We almost had it all, didn’t we, Bones?”

Next up for updating is supposed to be Turning Page, my story of Spock and Jim’s shore leave. I got the idea from a song, of course, called Turning Page. I’m not actually working on it though because I am working on my continuing story for the blog that will end up on AO3. My sorta old married Spirk, but not so old. I think on AO3 it might continue into December and be part of my 2017 holiday stories, the other of which is the one I already previewed on here. That’s it for this year. Two.

I have started my second chapter of Will You Have Sex With Me so you can expect that at some point in the not too distant future.

Tonight we are off to see Only the Brave which is the true story of firefighters who die. So I can expect to be depressed.

I have no real plans for this coming weekend either, at least that I know of, at this point. Our weather is firmly in Fall territory now so I am quite pleased with that.

On the reading front I am currently riveted by IT by Stephen King. I loved the movie that was out earlier and am looking forward to the sequel. I’d love to see Chris in it but not sure if that will happen. I am not the only one either as I saw some article who mentioned what that writer’s ideal cast would be for the adults (they were children in the first) in the sequel and Chris was among them.

On the future vacation front, I have now paid off our cruise and also purchased our plane tickets for it at the end of January. Guess it is really going to happen. I still have to pay my property taxes and my car registration and afford Christmas too. Ugh! LOL

 

Ramblings of the Week, October 09, 2017

melting

So I had a mini-meltdown on Saturday, not going to lie. I had a headache since the day before that and it would not go away. I didn’t sleep well. I woke up groggy and unrested and depressed.

Circumstances conspired against me to bring me to an ever lower place and I wrote a post saying I was going to change the blog, which I later deleted. I actually considered deleting the blog as well as my tumblr account. I hit delete on that probably five times and the only thing that stopped it from happening was it wanted my password and I couldn’t remember what it was.

Then I got that out of left field comment on For the First Time and I lost it. I somehow managed to update You are the Light but damn it dragged me further down. I was glad I got it done, honestly, but it managed to just make me so much sadder.

I’m a creator of my own stress at times as definitely certain people will tell you and promises I make to strangers definitely comes under that category. I promised I’d get an update done and I did.

I had to lighten things for myself as best I could and believe me the news I see everyday makes that difficult indeed. And even though I told myself I have no time for challenges (OMS for instance. I did it last year, I just can’t do it this year) and special holiday stories (the now world famous Professor Spock story was a Halloween story, HA), I decided I had to write one for my own sanity. I needed something fun and lighthearted. I wanted a heroic Jim, a hurt Spock. I wanted a love story that would make ME melt. And so October Romance has arrived. Halloween is in three weeks. And this story will be done by then. I have no idea how long it will be or any of that and it’s even likely it will be done before that day. Because this is what I must work on for now.

Otherwise, my weekend was okay. I did some necessary shopping on Sunday. Got some new coffee to try. Bought some wine. Watched the Halloween Baking Championship on Food Network. Saturday watched some movies that are just so over the top and I’ve seen so many times they couldn’t possibly scare me. They are like old friends.

Anyway, so I am taking it easy this week and doing fluffy. For those waiting for angst I hope you will be patient. Who knows where I will be next week. It may be an angst fest!

I know I owe readings to some others who have updated, and I WILL get to them.

Until next time, Live Long and Prosper.

Okay Yes I Changed My Mind

Again, yes.

I’m all over the place today. I feel bad. My head hurts. I’m emotionally drained.

And yet I still must deal with rude, mean people. Somebody posted on For the First Time in My Life I was Happy on like Chapter Fucking Five that she thought she was supposed to be reading a Spirk story not a story with Spock and his fake relationship. And that’s what tags are for. Now fucking, seriously? Why in the world do people have to be so damn rude? It IS a Spirk story. I just don’t get it. Am I insane or are they?

You don’t have to read my work. You don’t have to like me. You don’t have to trust me. You don’t have to give a damn. I get it.

But I am weary of it.

 

So anyway, today I am just watching stupid stuff. The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Halloween. Now I am about to watch The Fog.

I have been crying and depressed all day and that was just the straw.

So if I am short with you. Or mean. Or ignoring you. Or whatever…this is why. Because damn it’s hard right now. The news is depressing. And now I can’t even escape with my writing.

And yes I am ranting. And yes you can say “Fuck You” to me if that makes you happy.

But I am weary of it.

What Am I Listening To

As I have surely said before, music inspires me. Whether I am just trying to get through the dreary day at work or thinking of my latest Spirk story.

Here’s where my music love is going right now:

Keep Forgetting by Michael McDonald

Turning Page by Sleeping at Last

Drop Dead Beautiful by Britney Spears

Everything by Lifehouse

Somebody to Die for by Hurts

Believer by Imagine Dragons

Cry for You by September

I Don’t Deserve You by Paul Van Dyk (featuring Plumb)

Stay by Hurts

In My Veins by Andrew Belle

Comfort by Phil Campbell

 

These are always changing, of course, but this is my current crop.

Videos Saturday

It’s time for some videos!

Some are not safe for work or probably your mom, or grams, or your landlady or kid, etc.

 

Flash Fic Friday, September 15, 2017

My prompt was “We need to talk” from Spock, leading Jim to believe the worst.

 

“We need to talk.”

Cryptic and ominous words thrown Jim’s way just before the shift began.

And now they were almost all he could think about.

All they were doing was star mapping at present. So Jim was sitting there in his captain’s chair wondering what in the world Spock had meant.

It had to be bad. Those four words never led to anything good.

Maybe Spock wanted to leave Starfleet after all. He’d learned well after the fact that Spock’s break up with Uhura had been because he intended to go to New Vulcan to help with the rebuilding of the race. He’d apparently changed his mind but it was quite possible even probable he had changed it back.

According to Bones, the scuttlebutt on the ship was that Spock and Uhura had briefly reconciled after his rescue of her on Altamid but that by the time the Enterprise had been rebuilt with the ‘A” added, things had cooled between them once more. Uhura wanted more emotional attachment than Spock had been prepared to give.  There were even whispers that Uhura was seeing Scotty now.

Which meant there was absolutely nothing to keep Spock on the Enterprise.

What was Jim going to do without Spock? Could he beg Spock to stay? Hell, Jim had never begged anyone for anything in his life and he certainly wasn’t about to fucking start now.

Jim stood. “Spock, you have the conn,” he called over his shoulder as he entered the turbolift. He gave the order for the medbay.

Bones was with a crew member when Jim first stepped inside the medbay so with a vague smile at the nurse on duty, Jim went to wait for his friend in his office. He wasn’t even sure what he expected Bones to say, but he needed an ear right now. Or a shoulder, maybe.

But apparently whatever was going on with his patient was more complicated than he realized, so Jim ended up leaving the medbay without ever seeing Bones.

He returned to the bridge, conscious of Spock’s stare as he sat fidgeting in his chair.

Another few hours passed when he was commed by Bones.

“Jim, you wanted to see me?”

“No, never mind,” he said quickly. He certainly couldn’t talk here.

“If you’re sick—“

Jim heard Spock get out of his seat and walk over to stand next to him. He glanced at his first officer. “No, Bones. Not sick.”

“A headache?” Bones guessed.

“No, no, nothing. I’ll talk to you later.” He cut Bones off mid-word.

“Are you unwell, Captain?” Spock asked. “You did leave the bridge rather abruptly.”

“I’m fine, Commander.” He gave Spock a reassuring cocky smile.

When his shift was finally over, Jim raced for the turbolift shutting it in Sulu’s face so he could get away from Spock. He felt a bit guilty about it but not too bad. The longer he delayed hearing that Spock was leaving him, er, the Enterprise the better.

The first place Spock would look for him was his quarters so Jim hid out in Engineering. If Scotty found it odd he suddenly had a new assistant for a few hours he didn’t say so.

Finally, he was too exhausted not to head for his quarters but as he went down the corridors, he looked around every corner to be sure Spock wasn’t lurking, waiting for him.

He closed and locked his door once inside with a great deal of relief.

Thank God on this new Enterprise he didn’t have to share a bathroom with Spock.

Jim took a quick shower and dressed in loose fitting soft cotton pajama bottoms and a thin T-shirt. And when he removed his shirt, he remembered he had something to give to Spock. He couldn’t believe he’d forgotten it and hadn’t already given it to his first officer.

He removed the holo pic from his drawer and looked down at the picture of Spock with his mother. He was probably about twelve or thirteen in the picture and he looked so very Vulcan. His mother was smiling but of course Spock was not.

His door chimed and without even thinking about it, he called, “Come in.”

And of course it was Spock.

Damn it!

He set the holo picture down for the moment and turned to his stoic first officer.

“Look, I-I know what you’re going to say,”

Spock blinked at him. “You do?”

“Yeah.” He blew out a breath. “I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this. I’ve been afraid ever since I heard you and Uhura broke up for good.”

“I…see.”

“And you have to do what you have to do, I get it, but I really wish you wouldn’t,” Jim said softly. “I don’t know what I’ll do if you do.”

Something shuddered behind Spock’s dark eyes. “I do not need to do it.”

“Yeah?” Relief flowed through him and he smiled wide. “Really? I was so sure you were going to.”

“It was never my intention to upset you or make you feel uncomfortable with my declaration, Captain.”

“Ever since you said we needed to talk I’ve been freaking out.”

Spock straightened. Became stiffer still. “There is no need to freak out. I am Vulcan and can put aside my feelings in this matter so that I will suffer no emotional compromise.”

“Oh. Well. Damn.” Jim put his hand on his stomach. He was feeling queasy again. “If-if it means so much to you, I won’t stop you.”

“Captain—”

Jim looked away. “It’s selfish, I know. I just…I don’t want you to leave. I’ve told you before I don’t know what I’d do without you, and hell, I know that’s way too needy.”

“Leave? You want me to leave?”

Jim’s eyes widened as he looked back at Spock. “No! Never. But if you want to, it’s wrong of me to stop you.” He swallowed. “There were so many times when Uhura held you to her with emotional manipulation. I hated it. You never deserved that. And I can’t be like that. I would never hold you here if you didn’t want to be.”

“I do not understand.”

“Well neither do I!” Jim exclaimed. “It’s just that I love you and—” He slapped his hand over his mouth the second he realized what he’d said. But it was too late. Spock had clearly heard. There was no mistaking it. He lowered his hand and opened his mouth to say ‘totally in a brotherly way’.

But then Spock was suddenly kissing him, devouring him, pushing him against the bulkhead of the ship, with such fervor, such need, that Jim knew then that Spock didn’t view him at all as a brother.

Thank God.

A long time later, Jim stirred in Spock’s arms. “Does this mean you aren’t leaving?”

“It was never my intention to leave.”

“Well. What did you want to talk about?”

“I wished to ascertain whether you were in agreement to begin a romantic relationship with me,” Spock said in his snootiest voice.

Jim laughed. “Oh. Well. I guess you have your answer.”

“Indeed.”

“Hey. I have something for you.” He slipped out of Spock’s arms and patted naked over to his desk where he’d left the picture. He brought it over to Spock. “They found this in the wreckage of the ship and gave it to me when they were giving me some of the crew’s personal effects.”

Spock’s hands closed over it wistfully. “I thought it lost forever.” He paused. “Like her.”

“Oh, honey.” Jim hugged him.

Spock pulled him tight against him. “You have given her back to me in this small way. And you have given me the greatest gift I could ever imagine in you.”

“I love you,” Jim whispered. “I think…I’ve always loved you.”

Spock kissed him. Put his hand over Jim’s heart. “Taluhk nash-veh k’dular, t’hy’la.”

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