Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

Fan Fiction and Personal Rambles



100 Words Continuation April 20, 2018


“I do not understand,” Spock said after staring at Jim blankly.

“Yeah you do. Or I think you do.” Jim looked at his own clenched hands rather than at Spock. Maybe it would be easier. “Before you wanted to go to New Vulcan and I think, I don’t know, that you didn’t go because you felt like maybe Uhura and I needed you to stay. I can’t speak for her but I think from my point of view, if you think it would benefit the Vulcan race to—”

“You intend to send me a way because I did not react the way you had hoped when you confessed feelings for me.”


100 Words Continuation, April 01, 2018


He wanted Spock to be happy above all else and if helping Vulcans to reestablish the species was the way to make Spock happy then it was wrong of Jim to do anything to prevent that.

It was up to him as both Spock’s friend and commanding officer to ensure that Spock’s needs in that regard took priority over Jim’s own personal needs.

He erased what he typed out and re-typed out,

We need to talk. My quarters at your convenience.

This time he did hit send.

And now the only thing he could do was to wait.

When I Loved You, Chapter 2

Jim used to look forward to shore leave, but this one had been a struggle. At the last minute he had tried to back out of going himself, but Bones went on about his mental health and needing to recharge and all that so Jim had gone.

He’d spent three days and night with a beautiful red-head who’d reminded him of Gaila from his academy days. She hadn’t been Orion or anything but she’d had the same care-free attitude. She’d been fun and a good sexual partner, so in the end, Jim guessed he had enjoyed his shore leave.

He ran into Bones as they both prepared to return to the ship.

“There you are,” Bones greeted him. “How’d it go?”


“Just fine? I saw you with that girl. What was her name?”

“Rita,” Jim supplied. “She’s a commander from the Excelsior.”

Bones stepped up onto the transport pad next to Jim. “But just fine, huh?”

Jim nodded.

They reappeared on the Enterprise and Jim stepped off the transporter.

“Welcome aboard, Captain,” Scotty said from behind the controls.

“Status report?”

“Everything’s normal, sir. Mister Spock returned a few hours ago and is on the bridge.”

“Thank you, Mister Scott.”

Bones followed him out of the transporter room. “You know you’re due for—”


“Okay, fine, I’ll put it off. Next month though.”

With a weary nod, Jim got into the turbolift and made his way to the officers’ deck. When he reached his quarters, he noticed Uhura by the door of her own and she looked like she had been crying. Quite the contrast of a few days before on Valentine’s Day. He wondered if he should ask her if she was okay or if he should mind his own business. He watched as she attempted to punch in her access code twice without success.

Jim mentally sighed and walked down the corridor. “Are you okay, Lieutenant?”

For several heartbeats she didn’t look at him, but then she did, her eyes shiny. “I’ll be all right, Captain.”

“If there’s anything I can do…” He let the sentence trail off and then turned to return to his own door.



“I’m-I’m considering asking for a transfer.”

“What?” Jim frowned and walked back closer to her. “Why? Are you unhappy here?”

“No.” She shook her head. “At least I wasn’t.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest defensively and leaned against the wall. “I may as well tell you as I am sure it will be all over the ship in no time. Spock and I broke up on shore leave.”

Jim opened his mouth then shut it.

“For good this time,” she said softly, her voice cracking just a little. “We want different things. We each see a different future and they don’t go together.”

“I’m really sorry,” Jim told her. “But I’d hate to lose you. Can you give it some time? See how you feel after, I don’t know, a few weeks?”

“Maybe,” she replied. “I’ll think about it.”

“Okay. If you need some time off—”

“I don’t,” she said quickly. “Working helps keep my mind off things.”

He nodded. “Let me know if you do need anything.”

“Yes, sir.”

Jim returned to his quarters’ door and entered. He did feel bad for her. He knew how much she had always loved Spock. They’d been trying for years to make things work between them and it never quite did. He was kind of surprised they hadn’t broken up for good before. Bones had told him about their break up just before Altamid.  But in the end they had reconciled and things had seemed okay.

He’d feared…no. That was not right. Stop it, Jim. He’d thought that the little red box on Valentine’s Day was a symbol of greater commitment between them. Apparently not.

Jim removed his shore leave clothes and got into his shower, opting for a really hot water shower to help with his too stiff muscles.

When he got out he dressed in sweats and a soft gray t-shirt as he didn’t have to be on shift until the morning. He got some chicken tenderloins out of the replicator and then picked up his communicator.

“Kirk to Spock.”

“Spock here, Captain.”

“Listen, if you aren’t busy after your shift is through, you want a game of chess or something?” They’d play a few times. Not a lot. But a time or two. Jim wasn’t as good as he once was. He was a bit rusty. But he figured he was good enough to still give Spock a little bit of a run for his money.

Spock did not reply for so long that Jim was certain he was going to reject the invitation and it was on the tip of Jim’s tongue to rescind it before he got the chance.

“Very well,” Spock replied, finally, without a lot of enthusiasm.

“If you’d rather not—”

“I will be there in fifteen minutes,” Spock cut him off. “Spock out.”

He actually made it in fourteen minutes and after Spock secured himself tea, they sat down to play.

Jim wasn’t sure he should ask Spock about Uhura. Spock guarded his private life very carefully. And yet, it felt huge, and like something Jim should discuss with him.

Spock’s gaze rose from the chess set, and he quirked a brow. “You are staring.”

“Uhura said she might transfer,” Jim blurted out.

“Affirmative. She did mention the possibility to me as well.”

Jim licked his lips. “Um. How-how do you feel about that?”

“I hope, of course, that is not necessary,” Spock said.

“Are you, um, you know…” He trailed off again. These kinds of conversations were really not his forte. He grappled for a good term. “Emotionally compromised.”

At Spock’s closed off expression, Jim thought perhaps he had chosen badly. But Spock answered, nevertheless. “I am not.”

He wanted to ask for details, but details were not the kinds of things that Spock would be interested in sharing, Jim knew that much.

“I was somewhat surprised at her dalliance.”

Jim blinked as his heart beat fast in his chest. “Her-her what?”

Spock looked away, spots of color appearing on his cheeks. “I should not speak of this.”

“No. Wait. What? Spock, you can tell me. I won’t say anything.”

“While on shore leave, we had a verbal disagreement and separated for the night. In the morning I discovered Nyota in a compromising position with a female from the planet’s native species,” Spock said quietly. “They had spent the night together.”

Never in a million years had Jim expected to hear that she had-that they had…his mind couldn’t catch up.

“It was then that we mutually decided that our relationship would no longer work.” Spock shook his head. “Forgiveness was immediate. I knew that she had been upset about our discussion the night before. I did not blame her for seeking companionship given that discussion and its ramifications. But finding her with the native led to further discussion about our future and the implausibility of it given how far apart we had grown.”

“I-I see. I’m sorry, Spock.”

Spock inclined his head. “I appreciate the sentiment, Captain. But if you do not mind, I would rather not discuss it further at this point.”

“Of course.”

“I also ask for your discretion as I am certain Nyota would prefer the circumstances not come out to the crew.”

“I understand. And as I said, I won’t say a word.”

“Even to Doctor McCoy.”

Jim nodded. “I get it. And I won’t.”

Privately he wondered if there had been other indiscretions involved in their ongoing relationship but Jim knew he was already pushing his luck and anyway it was absolutely not his business.

He’d heard a rumor once, years ago, that they were not always exclusive, but Jim had ignored it as just silly ship’s gossip. Now, of course, he did wonder. Though such behavior seemed a bit out of character for Spock.

Besides, none of that mattered to his friendship to Spock.

“If you ever need to talk or anything,” Jim said instead, “I’m always here.”

“Appreciated, Captain.”

And that was that.

The conversation lagged then and ten minutes later, Spock declared, “Checkmate.”

Jim did not suggest a second game and Spock left to go to his own quarters. It was then he was beeped with an incoming message from his mother. He really didn’t want to talk to her because he always ended up having a headache afterward. But he sighed and hit accept.

“Hi Mom.”

Mid-Week Ramblings January 17, 2018


Very briefly.

I have just over a week until I leave on my cruise and I don’t really intend to stick to any particular update schedule between now and then. Other than getting an update done to Turning Page, I will let whatever moves me to work its update magic for the next week.

There will be a 100 word fic Friday. We’ll see what I have for next Friday, if anything. Same goes for Friday, Feb 02. I will be on the ship eating, drinking and being merry, but I might, just might though, have something scheduled for that day. Remains to be seen.

This past week I saw Jumanji. I enjoyed it quite a bit. I think that’s it for movies until we are back from the cruise. Not even sure there’s anything in February I particularly want to see. I did finally catch on streaming, Rogue One, and Doctor Strange. I was pretty meh on Rogue One, but I did quite like Doctor Strange.

My friend’s birthday is Friday so we will be going out to dinner. She was supposed to go up to Paso Robles for the weekend but the freeway up there remains closed due to the mudslides and rather than going around like normal people she chose to cancel the whole thing. Anyway, her BF is taking her to a fancy place and invited us and is going to pay, so that’s our Friday evening.

Other than that, I think this weekend will be pretty chill though I may begin the packing process for the cruise. Not sure I will have a rambles up Monday or not. We shall see.


100 Words or Less Flash


He watched as the sandy-haired man glanced his way, his blue eyes widening just slightly. Perhaps in recognition. Perhaps that was more than he could hope for. After a moment the man’s gaze drifted away, back to the coffee cup in front of him.

He tamped down his disappointment. Somehow he should have realized that this would not be that easy.

He hovered in the doorway of the seedy café, wondering if he ought to enter. But he could not resist the pull of the man seated at the counter. He approached. Blue eyes flashed to him.


Brief Update


You will see that I managed to update two non-Christmas stories this week. Young and Beautiful and Unbonded.

I got my chapter for Celebrate Me Home done quite early this week and that freed me up to work on the two oldest WIPs (meaning the longest time updating them)

Ramblings of the Week, November 7, 2017


I finally got Didn’t We Almost Have it All updated this week. I have this visual in my head, though it hasn’t made it into the fiction, of Jim saying to Bones. “We almost had it all, didn’t we, Bones?” Of course there was a Whitney song that the title came from, but I still see that scene in my head between Jim and Bones.

I would place that scene in the hospital after Jim wakes up after the shuttle accident and Bones, recovering himself, comes to see him. By this time, Jim knows that Spock and Uhura’s wedding is going to be soon. Chekov is dead. As are the pilot and the security guard obviously.

I think in my mind that Jim is particularly haunted by the guard’s death. Because he thinks here is a person who had hopes and dreams and people that cared about him, who he mattered to, and yet Jim didn’t even consider him when choosing who to save. I think that’s powerful stuff.

Anyway, during this conversation that apparently took place off the pages of my story, during a time when their conversation has lagged, for the first time in years, Bones and Jim aren’t even sure what to say to each other, and Jim finally says, “We almost had it all, didn’t we, Bones?”

Next up for updating is supposed to be Turning Page, my story of Spock and Jim’s shore leave. I got the idea from a song, of course, called Turning Page. I’m not actually working on it though because I am working on my continuing story for the blog that will end up on AO3. My sorta old married Spirk, but not so old. I think on AO3 it might continue into December and be part of my 2017 holiday stories, the other of which is the one I already previewed on here. That’s it for this year. Two.

I have started my second chapter of Will You Have Sex With Me so you can expect that at some point in the not too distant future.

Tonight we are off to see Only the Brave which is the true story of firefighters who die. So I can expect to be depressed.

I have no real plans for this coming weekend either, at least that I know of, at this point. Our weather is firmly in Fall territory now so I am quite pleased with that.

On the reading front I am currently riveted by IT by Stephen King. I loved the movie that was out earlier and am looking forward to the sequel. I’d love to see Chris in it but not sure if that will happen. I am not the only one either as I saw some article who mentioned what that writer’s ideal cast would be for the adults (they were children in the first) in the sequel and Chris was among them.

On the future vacation front, I have now paid off our cruise and also purchased our plane tickets for it at the end of January. Guess it is really going to happen. I still have to pay my property taxes and my car registration and afford Christmas too. Ugh! LOL


Ramblings of the Week, October 09, 2017


So I had a mini-meltdown on Saturday, not going to lie. I had a headache since the day before that and it would not go away. I didn’t sleep well. I woke up groggy and unrested and depressed.

Circumstances conspired against me to bring me to an ever lower place and I wrote a post saying I was going to change the blog, which I later deleted. I actually considered deleting the blog as well as my tumblr account. I hit delete on that probably five times and the only thing that stopped it from happening was it wanted my password and I couldn’t remember what it was.

Then I got that out of left field comment on For the First Time and I lost it. I somehow managed to update You are the Light but damn it dragged me further down. I was glad I got it done, honestly, but it managed to just make me so much sadder.

I’m a creator of my own stress at times as definitely certain people will tell you and promises I make to strangers definitely comes under that category. I promised I’d get an update done and I did.

I had to lighten things for myself as best I could and believe me the news I see everyday makes that difficult indeed. And even though I told myself I have no time for challenges (OMS for instance. I did it last year, I just can’t do it this year) and special holiday stories (the now world famous Professor Spock story was a Halloween story, HA), I decided I had to write one for my own sanity. I needed something fun and lighthearted. I wanted a heroic Jim, a hurt Spock. I wanted a love story that would make ME melt. And so October Romance has arrived. Halloween is in three weeks. And this story will be done by then. I have no idea how long it will be or any of that and it’s even likely it will be done before that day. Because this is what I must work on for now.

Otherwise, my weekend was okay. I did some necessary shopping on Sunday. Got some new coffee to try. Bought some wine. Watched the Halloween Baking Championship on Food Network. Saturday watched some movies that are just so over the top and I’ve seen so many times they couldn’t possibly scare me. They are like old friends.

Anyway, so I am taking it easy this week and doing fluffy. For those waiting for angst I hope you will be patient. Who knows where I will be next week. It may be an angst fest!

I know I owe readings to some others who have updated, and I WILL get to them.

Until next time, Live Long and Prosper.

Okay Yes I Changed My Mind

Again, yes.

I’m all over the place today. I feel bad. My head hurts. I’m emotionally drained.

And yet I still must deal with rude, mean people. Somebody posted on For the First Time in My Life I was Happy on like Chapter Fucking Five that she thought she was supposed to be reading a Spirk story not a story with Spock and his fake relationship. And that’s what tags are for. Now fucking, seriously? Why in the world do people have to be so damn rude? It IS a Spirk story. I just don’t get it. Am I insane or are they?

You don’t have to read my work. You don’t have to like me. You don’t have to trust me. You don’t have to give a damn. I get it.

But I am weary of it.


So anyway, today I am just watching stupid stuff. The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Halloween. Now I am about to watch The Fog.

I have been crying and depressed all day and that was just the straw.

So if I am short with you. Or mean. Or ignoring you. Or whatever…this is why. Because damn it’s hard right now. The news is depressing. And now I can’t even escape with my writing.

And yes I am ranting. And yes you can say “Fuck You” to me if that makes you happy.

But I am weary of it.

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