Sometimes he didn’t mind being alone. It wasn’t an unusual occurrence. Most of his childhood had been spent that way. At least until he got sent away. But before that, before Sam had left, Jim spent most days finding ways to entertain himself. Most of his classmates thought he was too smart or too cocky or too cute or…too something.
He’s made friends on Tarsus, but that hadn’t gone well.
And when he’d gone to the academy, well, he’d met Bones. He’d met a few others. Gary Mitchell, for example, but Gary went batshit crazy and decided he was a god with psychic powers.
Bones stuck with him though and that was good.
He got the Enterprise and he loved his crew, he did. And he was pretty sure he’d gained their admiration and trust, if not their love. His officers were friendly with him and occasionally he spent time with them.
It was all good.
And then there was Spock.
They were friends. At least Spock had finally admitted it while Jim was dying. And during his recovery he had acted like they were friends and things were good.
But once they got on the Enterprise, well, things got strange again. Spock wasn’t openly derisive like he’d once been. But he grew distant and spent most of his off time with Uhura.
Bones was great, he really was, but Jim supposed Bones needed a break from him every once in a while.
And so when they’d gone to Yorktown, Jim had spent his time there, before being called in by Commodore Paris, alone.
Everything changed with Krall, of course. All Jim’s doubts that had crept in about his place in all this disappeared.
He belonged with the Enterprise. He was the captain. And if it meant being alone the rest of his damn life, he had the ship. His beautiful lady.
There were still times he got bored. Still times he wanted to do anything but spend his time alone in his quarters. This was one of those times.
Bones was busy. There’d been a minor explosion on deck five that had caused a few injuries and as grumpy as Bones could be, he was grumpier still when he had casualties to tend to.
So he found out via the computer that Spock was in lab 6, so, after some contemplation, he headed there.
He’d made it to the outside of the lab when he heard the low murmur of voices. Uhura and Spock.
Damn, he hadn’t intended to interrupt a date or whatever.
“Spock,” Uhura’s voice suddenly rose. “You need to tell him.”
“Of course it is. But he needs to know. You can’t go on like this. We can’t go on like this. So the only thing to do is tell him. He needs to know your decision.”
Spock was going to leave.
Bones had told him about Spock maybe going to New Vulcan before all the Krall stuff happened. He’d heard that Spock and Uhura had even ended their relationship over it, briefly, as they were back together, obviously.
Which probably meant they would both leave.
“I cannot. To lose him as a friend—”
“You won’t. He won’t react that way.”
Of course Jim wouldn’t. He would support Spock leaving if that was what he wanted. But he couldn’t hear anymore. It was too much.
He turned around and went back down the corridor and to the turbolift. He willed away the tears that sprang to his eyes.
He was the captain. And he would get through this just like he got through everything.