My friend, Appreciative One, on here as JJ, wrote me a story for my birthday a while back that involved two of our favorites Chris and Zach. She encouraged me to post it on here, so here you go. Enjoy. It’s a bit long. And Adults Only. Of course the third picture represents me.

Chapter 1: When One Door Closes

“Ivan, look, Dude. I get it. I really do, but can’t you just hang on for another hour? I should make it to Tsujita’s by 11:30. No, really, I’ll be there. I may still be in makeup, but I’ll get there somehow….No… Look I-Man, no, I can’t do this on the phone. It’s too important for that.”

Chris had one ear closed off, desperately trying to push his cellphone tight enough against his other ear to tell what Ivan was saying, with all the commotion of the actors and crew behind him.

“Yeah. Yeah, I know it’s the third time they’ve pushed back the wrap time for today, but we’re just so damned close, man, and you know I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t serious.”

Chris’s Kirk makeup was getting harder to maintain, after 14 hours on-location shooting in Sierra Madre, where they had been fighting a particularly nasty windstorm that sand-blasted their equipment and audio.  Chris truly was exhausted, no doubt about that.

But he knew, maybe more so than most anyone else, that Ivan was skating on thin ice, and of all the nice people in the world, Ivan deserved every bit of information available before he made a life-changing decision that could screw up his entire future.

The Star Trek star had made that fateful choice years ago, and it had broken him in ways he still hadn’t gotten over. He wanted more for his best friend than to suffer as he himself had.

He’d been practically pleading with Ivan for days to find a way to free up some time so they could get together and discuss it, and tonight was the night. Chris felt awful that when Ivan finally was able to clear his schedule just for him, things on the set started going south fast. Why today, of all days?

More problems this week with casting became the latest headache after last week’s delicious new scandal with Chris Pratt (and who the hell in casting ever thought bringing Pratt in on Star Trek 4 was a good idea should have their colon examined with sharp instruments). Thank God that problem was fired in no time flat. The franchise didn’t need that kind of bad publicity right off the bat.

Chris had to reschedule with Ivan three times today, pleading with him to just stay put and wait for him. Tomorrow might be too late. When he texted with Ivan on Tuesday, Ivan sounded almost ready to make the wrong decision. What Chris wanted to say couldn’t wait.


When Chris finally found Ivan in the back corner of Tsujita’s, drinking coffee but looking like it wasn’t helping any more, Chris smiled at his friend of twenty-three years and tossed his head up, with his typical cool-guy “T’Sup.”

It was obvious, though, Ivan was not amused. “Uh oh,” Chris thought, “and here I hoped this day had gone downhill as far as it could. Plus I have sand in places I didn’t know I had places.” He decided he was overdrawn at the bank of optimism and might need to make a deposit. And he would, hopefully, right after he talked with Ivan. Chris strode over and pulled up the chair across from him, first bending forward, and shaking Ivan’s hand, kissing him on the cheek and warmly smacking him on the upper arm.

“How’s it going?” Ivan couldn’t help smiling at Chris’s placating attitude. Yes, something big was up, and the more warmly Chris acted, the worse the talk was going to go.

Ivan unsuccessfully stifled a yawn. “You look like hell. I think you still have a little eyeliner going there, man.” There wasn’t, but Ivan wasn’t passing up the chance to make Chris self-consciously reach up to check.

“You ass,” Chris chuckled. “Have you ordered yet?”

“I’ve actually ordered two meals by now, I’ve been here so long.”

“Unh.” Chris cocked his head. “Hey, come on. I’ve said I’m sorry like twenty times. I’m not in charge of direction, ya know, or we’d have been out of there hours ago.”

Fynn, their waiter, approached, obviously a little awestruck when he saw who was at one of his stations tonight. He handed the actor a menu. Ivan had already had plenty of chances to read over his, and he had lost track of how many times his coffee cup had been refilled. “Hello, Mr. Pine. What can I get you to drink?”

Ivan spoke up. “Mr. Pine will be having water with strychnine, thank you.”

Chris reached across and smacked Ivan on the head with his menu, chuckling, “Be nice. As long as there’s a slice of lemon in that strychnine water, that will be fine.”

“Ok, Chris, I can’t promise how long I’m going to be able to remain coherent here. What has you so wound up that you just had to see me today?”

Chris took a deep breath and looked into his friend’s eyes. “It’s about Zach.”

Ivan looked at Chris with his best go-to-hell face. “Come on, we’ve been through this – several times.”

Chris looked at Ivan’s eyes, trying to do everything he could to prevent those gorgeous eyes knowing torture, the way Chris’s had, years ago.

“Ivan, you’re a writer, and a damned good one. But baby, you can’t write this story with the happy ending you want, no matter how good you are. Quinto has his own mind, and even though he has a good heart, he also is brilliant and ambitious, and he’s not ready to give up Miles yet. Being with an international model gives him more street cred, he thinks. But he’s always had some guy – or some guys –  on the side. He won’t give up other guys for you, Ivan, no matter how awesome you are.

“He wouldn’t for me and I promised him everything. I loved that man. I would have given him anything, done anything for him. It didn’t matter. Either he just didn’t really love me, or he just had his eyes fixed on his rising star and wanted to make sure all doors remain open, as more and more men throw themselves at his celebrity. Being with him would be awesome for you, Iv, I know, but even though he tells you over and over he loves you, he’s not going to walk out of your house with you on his arm and kiss you in front of the paparazzi, and tell them he’s found the one he’s ready to settle down with and commit to forever, no matter how much you want that.

“It breaks my heart to think he may hurt you, man. You mean so much to me.”

“I’d blush, C, if I wasn’t too exhausted to.”

“And another thing, Ivan, you’ve been one of my best friends forever. I’ve seen you in love before. It’s supposed to be easy. Loving Zach is anything but for you. I’ve seen you come back from one of your liaisons with him. He tears you apart.”

“Look, Chris. Are you sure it’s that you’re so worried about me being hurt, or is it that you’re jealous? Maybe the truth is that you’re still holding out hope Zach will come back to you. I think those are valid questions. I mean, we’ve never, in all the time we’ve known each other, dated the same guy.

“But Zach came to me. He came to me! You hadn’t been with him in years. You know how I felt that day he showed up at my door. It was like the answer to every prayer I ever dared speak. I’ve loved him a lot of years. A lot of unrequited years.  And now, he’s with me, as often as he can be. He’s in my bed, Chris. I’ve never been so happy in my life. Zach is like the star in the center of the universe to me. He’s so gorgeous I can hardly breathe around him. And this amazing man makes love to me – lets me make love to him, touch him all over and all inside. And…what?”

Chris’s eyes were stringing with burning tears. He was dying inside. The last thing he could handle was how happy Ivan was in bed with Zach. Chris could only imagine, and had many times, what that was like to make love to Ivan. Zach was now exactly where Chris had dreamed of being for years. Touching and loving Ivan, tasting and licking every inch of his glorious friend’s body.

In all their years of hanging out, Chris had never even seen Ivan naked. It had been close – he’s seen him outlined in many speedos and seen him wearing only a towel, dreaming he had the courage to walk to his friend and drop that towel to the floor.  To see that dick hard and throbbing just for him was the desire of Chris’s life. Even more, so many nights he had imagined them rubbing against each other, deliciously stroking wetter and wetter. And taking turns fucking each other. Sigh… to climb inside Ivan…to have Ivan inside him, throbbing and coming. Chris imagined how his body would feel honored to have Ivan come home inside him. To feel his own body build in ecstasy, throbbing and vital, just because Ivan was inside you. Feeling Ivan come hard and long, deep within him. Chris ached that he had never known anything so earth shaking as he imagined sex with Ivan would be. Chris longed to share life with his friend.

“Iv, I remember years ago, feeling that way about Zach. I actually, at one point, begged Zach to marry me. Yep, I begged.

“And I know that’s where I lost everything. That’s not just where I lost Zach. It’s where I lost myself and every bit of self-worth I had back then.

“Zach and I are still friends. It took a lot more work on my part than on his to make that happen, but it did finally happen.

“But the day I begged was the last day Zach shared his bed with me. And it almost killed me. My closest and best friends still don’t know about the day I sat on my bed with a bottle of pills, planning to end it all because the pain was just too great, knowing I’d never be with him again – never. It was my sister who found me just in time to get me to the hospital and my stomach pumped. Katherine saved my life, but saving my sanity and my heart has taken a lot longer.

“I know firsthand how brutally difficult it is to get over Zachary Quinto.”

He had tried and tried for weeks to get Ivan to listen to him, but Ivan was so smitten that nothing short of Zach flaunting somebody else right in front of him was going to make Ivan ever see the painful truth. He could see that same desperation he himself had felt. That willingness to take any crumb Zach would toss him, just for a few minutes to be with Zach alone.

Ivan stood, even though Fynn had not yet taken their meal order.

“Chris, why are you crying, man? I love you. And I know you’re doing this because you think it’s best for me. Or you think it’s best for you. But you and Zach were years ago. This is now. Did you ever consider in the years since he was with you, he’s grown up? He’s matured. He’s a star. Once he has enough fans, big enough following, after he’s had enough other guys, he’ll be able to feel confident to commit to one man. And I’m going to be there on his arm. I’m the one they’ll see as Zach’s love. Can’t you see how much I want that? I need that?”

“Yeah, I do, Ivan. I do see it. And bro, I want you to know, I hope you’re right. I want you to be happy. Deliriously happy.  Happiest man in the universe. You deserve it. And if you can make him half as happy as you are with him right now, then he deserves it too. I…I love you both.”

“Then, please. Respect that. Please stop badmouthing Zach. It hurts me every time you do that. I didn’t badmouth him to you, when you were with him all those years ago. ‘Kay?”

“All right, Iv. There’s nothing I’d rather be wrong about. Go – be with Zach. And may you be the one man who was man enough to keep him. He certainly seems enough to keep you.”

“I’m exhausted, and you are too. I don’t see how you’ve not collapsed already. Go home. Go sleep. I’m sure cast call is very early in the morning. You want those baby blues of yours to do justice to the playboy that is Captain Kirk. Go get your beauty sleep.”

“Sure, Iv. And I’ll splurge for all your coffee, you jackass.”

Chris stood to hug Ivan goodbye, to thank him for meeting him.

And then it happened. As Chris embraced Ivan, his arms around him a little too tight, a hug held a little too long, Chris threw the biggest, instant hard-on Ivan had ever known him to have, pressed right into Ivan’s thigh.

What the hell, Chris? What….what the hell???”

Chris turned a bright crimson. Half the restaurant had suddenly turned eyes on the two men. Ivan had been so caught off guard by Chris’s body’s reaction to him, that he didn’t even think to keep his voice down.

Ivan was glaring into Chris’s eyes. “Tell me. Right now, Chris. Now.”

“Can we at least get out of here first? I’ll tell you, just – come to my car with me.”

Ivan was in shock. Shaking his head, still glaring at Chris, Ivan followed him outside. Suddenly, it hit Ivan.

God! I’ve been so stupid!” He smacked himself in the forehead. “God, Chris! You’re not jealous wanting Zach back. You’re jealous of him having me!

“Why didn’t you tell me this in the first place? You’ve been watching me make a total ass of myself for months, accusing you of wanting Zach back. And I was worried I was hurting you because you loved him.”

“Ivan, you were hurting me. But it’s not your fault. You didn’t do it on purpose. I know that. Zach went to you, you didn’t go to him. And as far as you knew, we were just bros.

“I didn’t want to hurt you. I’ve seen how you look at Zach for years. I’ve heard for years how gorgeous you think Zach is and how awesome and what a good actor and how much you’d like to do him. Well, now, you are doing him. It’s your dream come true.

“I can’t compete with that, Ivan. You’ve only had eyes for Zach forever. I can’t argue that he’s gorgeous. And he can be a nice man. I mean, he’s brilliant, funny…personable. And he’s compelling and magnetic. I used to orbit him myself.

“When Zach dumped me, after I recovered from the overdose, you were there for me. You’ve always been there for me. Always. And the day came when I finally rubbed him out of my eyes, and woke to see you and all the awesome things you are. You’re beautiful to me, Ivan. It was such a revelation. I couldn’t believe I didn’t see it before. It’s you, Iv. Zach can’t hold a candle to how beautiful you are. I just finally realized that you are my true Sun, and he’s just a shadow. You’re the real deal. I’m madly in love with you, Iv. But by the time my stupid heart realized it, it was too late. You’d already fallen totally for Zach and he for you.

“In all that time, not once have you ever looked at me like you look at him. And I’ve watched you carefully, dreaming of the day when you’d finally see Zach for who he really is – not the knight in shining armor, but just a good man. Just…just a man.

“And then, I hoped maybe, finally, your heart would let go of him enough that I could maybe find an opening there and earn my way in.

“God, Ivan, how stupid is this. We’re Kirk and Spock all over. You over with your Spock, and me just on the outside, trying to respect your relationship, but loving you so much. And you never even considering that I’m out here, so in love with you I can hardly breathe sometimes.”

“Chris, I can’t look at you right now. I’m angry. I can’t even express how angry I am at you for not telling me this years ago. I thought we were friends. I thought we were best friends.

“You never even told me you tried to kill yourself because of Zach. Dammit, you’re not noble for keeping this to yourself. I know you think you are, but you’re not. I have to go home. No, I have to take a few days off. I’ve got to get away from you – from both of you. Take your fucking hard on and go away. How dare you keep this from me! How dare you let me find out the truth by pressing your hard cock into my thigh. Just – go away.”

“Ivan! Wait. One more thing. Please wait, Ivan. I have to tell you one more thing.”


“I’m…not actually with anybody – no superstar models of either sex. I haven’t been in years, unless it was set up by the studio. They were just…publicity stunts to get people to see I’m not hung up on Zach. The production company was afraid the public would find out he and I used to be lovers and they didn’t want that to happen with all this money invested in the Star Trek franchise. There’s enough Spirk shit out there in the world as it is. They just wanted to keep things low key.”

“You know that just makes me angrier, don’t you Chris? Yet another lie! More you’ve kept from me all this time.”

“I know, Iv. And I’m sorry. I just didn’t think it would matter to you. I just figured if I’m going to reveal the truth about my feelings, you might as well know the truth about all the supermodels, too.”

“Stay away from me. Don’t call me. Leave me alone. I need to be away from you and think. Fuck you, Chris. Just…fuck you!”

Ivan would not give Chris the satisfaction of seeing him cry. He slammed his car door, jerked the stick in reverse, and then sped off, screeching as loudly as he could – because that’s exactly the noise screeching in his brain right now.

He got far enough from the restaurant that he knew Chris wouldn’t see him pull over. He pulled into a dark parking lot, and there, Ivan totally lost it. His shoulders quaked as he bent forward and sobbed into the steering wheel. Rolling his forehead side to side across the wheel, he just mumbled, “What the fuck…what the fuck…fuck it…fuck it…fuck…me.   Dammit, Chris…dammit.”

It was 30 minutes before Ivan could pull himself together enough to drive home. His eyes were practically swollen shut. He had no tears left.

Of course, he loved Chris. He knew he loved him. But he was in love with Zach.

But of course, Chris was right. Dammit, 100% right. Why didn’t Ivan see it? There had been many men throughout Zach’s life. He wore them and tossed them as thoughtlessly as he did his sweats in the dirty clothes hamper.

And now that Ivan was finally drained and emotionally exhausted, he couldn’t pretend to himself any more.

Zach had tossed Chris away like yesterday’s trash, just because he loved him and wanted life with him. Chris would be dead right now if not for Katherine.

Zach didn’t love Ivan. He used him. Used his body. And it was glorious. But it wasn’t real. None of it was real. It was a fantasy – hell, he was literally the fantasy of millions of people on the planet. It wasn’t Zach’s doing that he was gorgeous. It was a genetic anomaly created by his parents, who were beautiful, but nowhere near as gorgeous as their famous son.

Ivan had fallen in love with a delusion. An accident of genetics. Fucking deep brown eyes. Zach was just using his genetics to screw us all up. And he knew he could. He could have anyone, do anything, and everyone would pant after him like a love-sick puppy.


Ivan drove home. He collapsed into a new puddle of tears in his bed. He tried desperately to sleep, but was only met with tossing and turning.

He got up, visited the bathroom again, and looked in the mirror at his eyes. He wished he could carve Zach out of his brain – and out of his heart. He was the world’s biggest fool. Or if not, the most recent biggest fool, compared with all the others Zach fucked.

God, Zach. Why did you have to come to me? Why my doorbell? Why did you bed me, fuck me, claim to love me?

Why did I fall for it? How many others have fallen into your hands like putty, feeling honored to be used by you?

Fuck you, Zach.

He slouched out to the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of wine. Ignoring the wine glasses, he took the entire bottle to bed. He propped up against the headboard, and started swigging as quickly and deeply as possible, in hopes of getting drunk quickly enough to knock him out so he would quit hurting. He just couldn’t take the hurting this time.

Damn, the bottle was empty too quickly. He thought he would drag back to the kitchen and see if he could find any more alcohol.

And then it hit him – wonder if he had any sleeping pills – or anything…that would make the pain go away? He swung around, his feet hitting the floor.

That was his last thought, as he passed out on the floor in a pool of vomit.

When Ivan woke up, it was still dark…maybe. The curtains were drawn on the windows of his bedroom. He was lying in bed. Everything was normal, except a splitting headache from drinking…God knows how much.

What did he remember?

He met Chris for dinner. But he was still hungry…no, he hadn’t eaten. Chris was warning him to not trust Zach.

Owwww – my head hurts! Even trying to remember hurt – physically hurt.

Oh shit. My best friend told me he’s in love with me. Wait. I…I fell. How did I get back into bed? Did I do that? I don’t remember.

It doesn’t matter. “Chris…loves me,” Ivan whispered out into the darkness.

“Yeah, Ivan, I do.”

Ivan peered through the darkness, trying to find that voice. There was Chris, sitting on a chair in the corner, legs folded under him. How long had he been there?

“What are you doing here? How did you …”

“Shhh, Ivan, it’s okay. And I promise I’ll pay for the damage to your front door. I’ve already called a repair company.

“I just couldn’t get the look on your face out of my mind. I just remember how much I hurt after Zach and what extreme measures I took to try to get him out of my heart and my head.

“And then I got scared you might try that, too. Zach is a very powerful addiction. It takes a lot of strength and courage to dry out from him. Sometimes, he’s just too much for us, and we try to kill the pain…take the easier, quicker way out.

“I couldn’t stand that, Iv. I couldn’t stand losing you. Even if I can’t have you, even if you won’t let me love you, at least don’t make me ever lose you. Please let me stay in your life, be friends. I promise I’ll never say another word about Quinto. I promise. I just want you to be happy.

“But…Ivan, if you’re happy, why did I find you passed out on the floor in your own puke?”

Ivan let out a deep, defeated sigh. “Chris, come ‘ere.” Ivan patted the mattress beside him. “You cleaned me up and put me back in bed?”

Chris nodded, willingly approaching his side, and sat, gazing down at the man he loved.

“Iv, I’m so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I wish neither of us had ever met Zach. I wish we had only met each other. I can’t compete with him. Nobody could. It’s the only time I wish I were someone else. When I see the look in your eyes when you talk about Zach, I ache for you to look at me that way. To talk about me that way. And I know you never will.”

“Chris,” Ivan looked around him, “Did you see my phone anywhere? Is it on the table? It seems like I tossed it there, when I grabbed the wine bottle last night.”

“Yeah, sure, there it is. You want it?”

“Yeah, I do. Would you hand it to me?”

“You’re weird, Iv. But sure – here.”

Ivan pushed “1” on his speed dial.

He was connected within 3 rings.

“Yeah, hi, Zach. I know it’s early. Sorry to bother you. But something has happened, and I have to talk to you. Could you possibly come over?…Yeah, now, if you could…

“Sure, I understand you have an early call on set in a few hours. Zach, Chris is here with me.

“Yeah, actually he did spend the night with me, but not how you think.

“Sure – I’ll put him on.”

“Hi, Zach, it’s Chris….Yeah, I’m here with Ivan. Hey, if you could come over, it’d be good. I know, I have the same early call you do, but something has happened, and the three of us need to talk – and it will affect shooting if we don’t.

“Yeah, my driver can come get you. He’s outside.”

Chris disconnected and handed the phone back to Ivan. “I’ll go tell my driver to bring him. I’ll be right back.”

Zach didn’t bother to ring the doorbell. And he didn’t need to use his key Ivan gave him, since apparently, the door no longer had a lock.

“Hey, where is everyone?”

Chris answered. He didn’t know if he should have, but he wanted Ivan to know he was in this as mediator and would be in control of this meeting. “We’re in the bedroom. Come on back.”

Always the charmer, Zach walked in and bent down and hugged Chris, arms tightly wrapped around him. Then he looked over at Ivan, propped against the headboard.

“Shit, Ivan, what’s going on? What the hell happened to your face?”

Chris immediately answered for Ivan, “He fainted a few hours ago, Zach. He’s just a little bruised. He’ll be okay.”

That is not all from fainting. God, Iv, your eyes are practically swollen shut. Baby, what is it?”

“Zach, I wanna talk to you first,” interrupted Chris. “Okay?”

“Chris, why are you even here? I don’t understand. And what happened to the front door? Oh my God, did somebody break in here? Ivan, did somebody hurt you? Are you ok, baby?” Zach reached over and gently turned Ivan’s face toward him. “Are you alright?”

Turning back to Chris, Zach felt increasingly irritated. “Chris, I think you should leave. I think I’m the one who should be taking care of Ivan now. You…you need to leave.”

“No, Zach. I’m not going anywhere till I have my say. And then, if you and Ivan want me to go, I’m out of here.” Chris took a slow, deep breath.

“Zach – do you love Ivan? I don’t mean Zach, the actor; Zach, the celebrity; Zach, the ‘everybodylovesmecauseI’mfuckinggorgeousandhavethesexiestbrowneyesonearth.’ I mean, do you love Ivan? The real kind – not what you gave me. I mean, life-altering, marrying, commitment, one-man forever love?

“Because, dammit, Zach. Ivan is my friend. He’s one of the most awesome people I’ve ever met. And he deserves that. He’s head over heels in love with you. He’s willing to hand you his entire life and heart, gladly.

“So, Zach, do you love Ivan like that? Are you willing to hand your entire life and heart to him, gladly?”

Zach looked stunned and thoughtful, regarding Ivan, then Chris, back and forth.

There was absolutely no answer forming in Zach’s mouth.

“Zach, I remember loving you. I remember thinking you loved me. And I remember you rejecting me and how it almost killed me. I never told you. I tried to kill myself after you left. If not for Katherine finding me, I wouldn’t be here.

“And tonight, I met up with Ivan and just wanted him to be sure before he’s so into you, he can never make it back.

“I told him about us, Zach. And our last time together. And how it was after that.”

Zach glared angrily at Chris. “Chris, I love you, but you had no right to tell Ivan about that. That was between us – and I’m sure you told it just from your perspective.”

“Well, yeah – that’s the only perspective I have, because you never talked to me about it again. We were just…over. You closed the door and sealed it, to never open it again.

“I just want to make sure you don’t do that to Ivan. He deserves better, Zach. Ivan insists that was years ago and you’re different now. So, I promise I’ll get out of your hair and I’ll be best man at your wedding, if you can tell me you’re ready for the same kind of loving commitment Ivan is ready for, and that his heart is safe with you.”

Ivan had never seen Zach that angry, nor had he ever seen a real-life right hook before. Zach punched Chris so hard, Ivan heard his jaw crack before he hit the floor.

“God, Zach. What did you do?” Ivan yelled as he quickly crawled out of bed and knelt by Chris. He was out cold. “Call 9-1-1.”

“Fuck you, Ivan. You call them. I’m out of here. And don’t ever call me again. And for fucking sure, I don’t want to hear about this on “TMZ” tonight. Get out of my life and leave me alone.” Zach jabbed his finger in the air, pointing toward Chris. “And tell him the same thing when he comes to.”

Zach quickly turned to leave, rubbing his swelling, aching hand.

On second thought, maybe the bone Ivan heard crack did not belong to Chris.

In the midst of all this drama, Ivan chuckled dryly, thinking how filming the rest of Star Trek 4 with those two was going to take all their acting chops, especially since this movie dealt with finally getting Kirk and Spock together. He shook his head, as he dialed 9-1-1.


Ivan was the first thing Chris saw in the emergency room. “What happened – ouch, my face hurts.”

“I’m sorry, Chris, Zach lost control and knocked you out.”

“Well, I think I might have deserved it.” He tried to rub his sore jaw, but there was an ice pack taped to it. “Good Lord, how long was I out? I gotta get to the studio.”

“A good 45 minutes. But you looked really cute sleeping. I don’t think I’ve ever watched you sleep before.

“You know, had you told me about it before, if Katherine had told me, I’d have been with you. I wouldn’t have let you go through that alone. No wonder you wanted to warn me about Zach. I know you were trying to protect me from myself, as much as from him.”

“On second thought,” Chris shook his head, “I should have just left and let you guys talk it out alone, without my mouth. And, yeah, now I kinda wish I had!”

“C, I just sat there in shock. I couldn’t believe you stood up for me like that. Protected me like that. I’m sorry to put you into that position in the first place. You tried to tell me months ago and I wouldn’t listen. Nothing makes a guy wake up like seeing his two best friends at it over him.”

A nurse walked in. “Oh my God, you’re that guy, uh, uh, uh – the writer, aren’t you? I love your stories! I have your book out in the car. Would you consider autographing it for me?”

Chris just smiled his proudest, to be here with the great writer, IvanW. The nurse never even gave Chris a look. Which didn’t earn her any brownie points, since Chris was the patient.

Chris said, “Nurse…uh, Chandler. Can I leave now? I’m ok. I have to get to work.”

“Your doctor will be in within the hour,” she assured him, “and he’ll tell you when you can leave. I’ll go get my book real quick! Don’t leave without signing it!”

“You stud, you!” Chris was still beaming with pride at Ivan being recognized as the celebrity he was, and Chris going totally unrecognized.

“You’re so funny, Chris. We both know the stud is you.”

Chris thought if he didn’t know better, it seemed Ivan was actually looking at him a little differently. Or was that just his own wishful thinking?

“Shit, my jaw hurts so much, I didn’t even think to ask you. Are you ok? Are you over the hangover yet? What happened after Zach knocked me out?”

“Well, as Spock says in Star Trek 4 dialogue, Zach and I have decided to dissolve our romantic relationship.”

Chris’s eyes sparkled, in spite of the pain. “Really!?

“Oh, shit, that was so mean, dude. I’m so sorry! Fuck me, I’m sorry, Ivan. I didn’t mean to sound so happy about it! God, man, I’m so sorry!”

“It’s ok, C, really. The second Zach moved his arm to hit you, I was done with him. As much as he hurt you, he punched out any feelings I had for him, too. Zach threatened me to stay away from him. I think that kinda means he broke up with me.” Ivan actually smiled.

“God, I’m sorry, Iv. I know you’re hurting.”

“No, not really. Not this time.” Chris groaned, hearing Ivan quote Spock’s famous line regarding blowing up Nero.

“Seriously, man, how long have you been in love with me?” Ivan gazed into those blue, blue eyes.

“Well, I fought it a long time. But when I saw you were hooking up with Zach, it hurt so bad, I had to face it and realize how deeply I’d fallen for you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Cause we’re friends, Iv, and I didn’t want to fuck that up. I’d rather have you as just an awesome friend, than lose that by trying to have more with you.”

Sheesh, it’s Star Trek 4 in real life, Ivan thought.

“I’m sure you’re right. It had to happen as it did – except for your jaw, of course – for me to actually get it through my thick skull that Zach wasn’t the one for me. I had thought for years that he was.

“I’m not saying I’m going to just fall into you, Chris. I need some time to heal, myself. It’s going to take awhile for me to handle the death of my dream of being with Zach.

“But I don’t want to lose you in the meantime. Especially as my friend. I might really need you to help me out some. Hang out with me some for awhile? Especially while your pretty face is healing? Cause, I don’t know if they can hide that bruise.”

“Ivan, of course, I’ll hang with you as much as you’ll let me. I have always been, and always shall be…”

“Shut up, Chris!”

Ivan bent over and pressed a light kiss on Chris’s forehead, Ivan’s eyes twinkling. Chris suddenly didn’t notice the pain in his jaw any more.

Chapter 2: A Window Opens

The doctor finally came into Chris’s emergency room with the x-ray results.

“Your jaw isn’t broken, Mr. Pine, but that’s a nasty hematoma you’ll have for a few days. It will be difficult to chew till the swelling goes down, so take it easy – liquids and soft foods for at least four days and after that, until you feel no discomfort chewing. I’ll write you out a script for a painkiller and a note for your employer, all right?” The on-call physician was making notes.

“And…do you need to file a report with a law enforcement official? We have a police officer on call at all times, just for incidents like yours.”

“No, doctor, I’m just clumsy. I have no need to file a report unless it’s illegal to do a face plant on the floor.”

“Sure, Mr. Pine. We see that all the time. Well…if you change your mind, the medical report will be available to support you if you decide to file charges on that fist-shaped floor. The nurse will bring in discharge papers for you to sign.”

An hour later, Ivan was leading Chris into his townhome, where he insisted he stay for his recovery.

JJ, back to direct the new movie, had Facetime’ed with Chris from the emergency room early that morning and insisted they would shoot around his scenes today and tomorrow. JJ assured Chris he should just focus on getting his sexy Kirk face back to normal, especially since no amount of makeup magic could pull off a miracle like hiding that mess today, and there were no fight scenes coming up where Chris’s injury would fit in naturally.

“Are you sure, Ivan? I mean, you said…”

“I know what I said, Chris. But you just took a right hook for me. The least I can do to make up for it is to take care of you a little. That’s what…friends are for.”

“You should write a song like that, Iv,” Chris winked.

Ivan ignored the Burt Bacharach reference.

“You want to sit on the sofa and I’ll get you something to eat and drink. Soup? Coffee? Tea?”

“Me?” Chris winked again and licked his lip. It wasn’t as cute as Chris thought it was. Really. No, really.

“I think you have some mending to do before we get into the ‘me’ zone, don’t you think?”

Ivan went to the kitchen and warmed up some broccoli cheese soup and steeped an Earl Grey teabag he knew was his fave. And then he thought better of it. Chris didn’t have narcotic painkiller, so he figured he might actually prefer some wine.

“How about some Chardonnay?” Ivan called from the kitchen.

“You mean you have anything left after your bender last night?”

“Oh, I didn’t even think of that. But yeah, I can find something. Would you prefer Scotch?”

“I would prefer you, Ivan. Just come sit down and quit fussing over me.”

“Not a chance, C – you eat first, and then we can talk if you want to.”


“That really was good, Iv. Did you make that yourself?”

“Do you not know me at all? Of fucking course not.  I don’t cook. I know a good deli close by. Only the best for you, Champ!”

“Ha! Can you believe that doctor wanted me to file a police report on Zach? I’d never do that. Though right now I wouldn’t mind taking a baseball bat to him myself, for a few swings.”

“Yes, Chris. We all know what a fighter you are. Isn’t it Spock who always has you bent over a console with his fingers wrapped around your neck? And that outtake where you tripped and fell back over the captain’s chair? Yeah, you’re formidable.”

“Shut up, you jerk!” Chris started to laugh, but it hurt, and he immediately thought better.

“See what you get for calling me names?  Here, let me look at it.”

Ivan peeled back the bandage and was shocked at the color of Chris’s jaw. “Oh, God, I’m so sorry. Damn Zach.”

“He’s gone, Iv. He won’t hurt us ever again. But…are you okay? You love him. I know you were angry when he punched me, but you’ve had a little time to get past the shock of it.”

“Really? I’m looking at your gorgeous face with that huge bruise he put there, and you think I’m anything but more angry as the minutes pass? I don’t care what Zach is – there’s no excuse for this! And no – he destroyed any love I had for him, when you hit the floor. I’m so desperately sorry. I just didn’t know. You tried to warn me and I just wouldn’t believe….”

Chris reached his lips softly to Ivan’s and stopped his words. Ivan’s lips were sweet and warm and delicious. He had never tasted them before. Didn’t dream he ever would.

“God, Ivan, you taste so good…..mmmmm.”

“And you taste like cheese. Good thing for you, I like cheese.” Ivan smiled his warmest at him.

“I can’t believe this. If last night someone would have told me my best friend would be kissing me today, I’d have called them the biggest liar.

“I just… I feel like an idiot. But I don’t know if I feel like a bigger idiot because I fell for Zach’s crap, or because just hours ago, I wanted to spend my life with him, and now all I want to do is…devour you.

“Have…have I been in love with you all this time and just wasn’t even self-aware enough to know it?”

“Lighten up on yourself there, bro. I didn’t give you any opening – any reason to think there was anything going on this direction. I’m so sorry, Iv. Hell, I’ve wanted to devour you for months. Ha.”

“Then why didn’t you? I know we’re friends but…you really were afraid I’d be offended? I mean, who does that? Who gets offended when you tell them you love them?”

“You know who. Zach.

“Oh, shit, Ivan. I didn’t mean to do that again. Just erase that comment.”

“You’re gonna pay for that one, jerk.” And with one smooth motion, Ivan gently pushed Chris to lie down, and reached to unfasten his jeans.

“Ivan!  Iv – are you sure you want to do that?”

“So much so, suddenly I can’t stand it. I can’t believe I could have been doing this for years, if I’d just woke up.”

Ivan gently pulled Chris’s quickly growing cock out of the flaps of the jeans. “God, even your cock is gorgeous. Is everything about your body a work of art?”

“I guess that would be up to you to determine. Please determine, Iv. I know you said you need time. And if you do, baby I get that, and I’ll give you all the time you need. But if you don’t need more time, please. Love me.”

Ivan’s heart melted. Just hours ago he had thought Zach was his life, and Chris was interfering with that. Did that now make him cheap or just on the rebound because mere hours later, he couldn’t pull his eyes away from Chris’s gorgeous baby blues?

Ivan reached back up to Chris’s lips and memorized every nuance of their color and shape and size. And he wanted to memorize their taste, too. He gently brushed his lips on Chris’s, very aware to protect his injured jaw.

“I’m sorry Chris. I don’t want to hurt you – I need to stay away from your mouth, because I’m feeling…kind of a lack of control right now.

“I just want to dig into you. But…oh hell. I’ll try this. He lay down, body to body, atop Chris, immediately overwhelmed by the feel of this man’s erection against his own. He moved to Chris’s neck, opposite from the damaged jaw, and started licking and nipping the skin there, moving up to his earlobe, sucking there.

“Oh my God, that feels so good. I’ve dreamed of you doing that for so long. But you’re even better than the dream, love.”

“Chris…….” Ivan started deeply kissing Chris’s neck, imagining he was crushing his lips.

“I….what would make you feel good? What would you like? I just want to make you feel good. I just……I guess I just want to melt into you after all.”

“Please. Baby, you’re already doing it. I couldn’t ask for anything more wonderful…well, for now, anyway.”

“May I take your shirt off, Chris?”

“I think we can make that happen if we’re gentle. You’re sure? You really want to?”

“I’m about to come just from tasting your neck. Of course, I want to. Do you?”

“Please do anything…everything…you want. I’m yours.”

“Really? You’re mine? I mean, you think maybe I’m the real deal for you?”

“Ivan – look in my eyes. You tell me what you see.”

“You mean, aside from the most gorgeous blue eyes ever imagined on earth? Looking at me?  I’m afraid I see what I want to see.”

“Then…tell me what you want to see,” Chris whispered.

“I see…love, Chris. Real love.

“Am I right? I mean, if I’m not, tell me now. Because my heart is about to explode from wanting you. I mean, really wanting you. Like, forever-type wanting you.

“But if you…let me touch you and make love to you, I don’t see ever being able to go back. Tell me now if I’m going to have to let go. I don’t think my heart could take it if I get to make love to you, and then you change your mind.”

“Ivan, I haven’t changed my mind in years. Making love to you is just going to seal the deal. It’s like…blood brothers. Only…I don’t know…maybe cum lovers?” Chris laughed and grabbed a pillow, smacking Zach in the shoulder.

“Oh my God, did you really just say that?” Ivan grabbed the pillow and looked for where he could smack Chris back safely, without causing him more in pain.

Chris suddenly ignored his awful joke and became completely serious. “Ivan, I want a commitment with you – for life. This is the real thing for me. I’m madly, fully, completely in love with you, and I have been, apparently, for years. I want you. Forever. In every way possible.”

“Then, if you’re sure…….”

And with that, Ivan buried his face back into Chris’s neck as his tears fell on Chris’s skin, “God, I love you Chris. I guess I’ve always loved you. I’m so sorry I’ve been such an idiot and didn’t even know my own heart.”

Chris lightly brushed his lips on Ivan’s neck also, sucking and nipping small marks, small enough that Ivan wouldn’t be too embarrassed.

“Mmmmmm, no Chris. Don’t hold back. Please, suck as hard as you want. Do whatever you want to. I’m….I’m yours.”

And with that permission, Chris found Ivan’s neck again and sucked hard on his skin, over and over, till light bruising covered the side. Ivan whimpered, as shudders ran the length of his body, which was starting to ache, needing relief.

Ivan gently removed Chris’s shirt, careful to not touch the bandage or hurt him in anyway.

“Oh my God, Chris – oh my God.” That’s all Ivan could say as he stared at the beauty that was Chris’s chest and muscles and nipples. Ivan determined to taste and tickle every inch with his tongue – to move up and down and across the beautiful skin, drawing circles with his lips. When Ivan came to his nipples, he tongued and flicked, hoping to set Chris on fire with need.

It worked. Chris’s bulge grew even more, and his hips couldn’t help but start to hump toward Ivan’s chest. “God, your tongue is like… How do you do that, baby? I’m…going to ignite…”

And at that, Ivan could take no more. His own cock was throbbing so hard with want for Chris, he reached down and squeezed himself, trying to back off his own reaction.

“I can do that for you, Iv. Let me take care of you.”

“You touch me and I’ll come immediately. I want to last longer for you than that.  You deserve it. You’ve waited so long. I want to give you my best.”

“Baby, you are giving me your best. Don’t you know what it does to me to know you desire me so much you lose control?

“Please…lose control with me. Let me see you totally lose it.”

“Chris……Chris……” Ivan was practically panting with lust.

Chris reached down and joined Ivan’s hand, as they both squeezed his engorged cock through his jeans. Chris moved to unfasten Ivan’s jeans enough he could slide his hand down inside, to touch Ivan’s thick, warm, throbbing cock.”God, Ivan. I knew you were – but I had….no idea. Wow, baby. Can I have that? Can – can I have you?”

“You’ve got me – every way you want me. Except one of course – no hurting that jaw. Your poor face…I’m so sor…..” Chris didn’t allow him to finish, as he touched his hand to Ivan’s lips. Chris moved his palm across Ivan’s mouth. “Ivan, wet my hand, please. Get my hand wet and warm with your mouth.”

Ivan wasted no time fulfilling Chris’s request. He tongued across Chris’s palm, wetting his lips and kissing up and down Chris’s fingers. When Chris was assured his hand was very wet, he slid his hand down to Ivan’s hard cock and, wrapping his hand tightly around the swollen shaft, Chris glided his wet hand up and down Ivan’s hardness, trying his best to imitate sucking him. How Chris’s mouth watered and ached to kiss Ivan’s hardness, to lick the pre-cum from his tip, to slide as much of his hard organ into his mouth and draw the cum out of him. But that would have to wait a few days. He knew it would be blissful when the time came. Chris couldn’t wait to taste Ivan.

In fact, he didn’t wait. Chris ran his fingertips across the tip of Ivan’s weeping cock, and then lifted his fingers to his lips, licking them with that always-teasing tongue.

“Unh…Ivan….oh… – you taste just as wonderful as I dreamed…….” Chris couldn’t finish his sentence, because his body immediately convulsed in a savage orgasm, his eyes glazed and rolling upward, his facial muscles frozen with passion, as he moaned with pleasure. “Ivan…..uhn….uhn………Oh God.”

Ivan could take no more. His own cock answered Chris’s, throb per throb, shooting streams of cum across Chris’s jeans leg. He had never even made it down that far to remove them.

“Now, Ivan – now. Touch me. Oh God, touch me.”

Ivan worked to move his limp arms down to Chris’s pants, and slid them down his legs, removing everything in the way.

Even though Chris had just come, his cock was still half hard. This was Ivan’s first full look at Chris’s beautiful dick – that was becoming his forever…that Chris was offering Ivan for a lifetime. And Ivan knew, even a lifetime loving that cock – this man – wouldn’t be enough. Chris sat up and tugged at Ivan’s shirt.

“I want you so much,” Ivan whispered softly. Are you sure? Do you want me?”

“Ivan – I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. Please. Let me love you. Every part of you. Forever.

“I promise you can trust me, baby. No more waiting. Our life begins now. Please Iv – fuck me…make me yours.”

Ivan never dreamed he would be inside this most gorgeous man. He never dreamed he would awake and realize Chris was everything he had ever wanted…ever needed…ever desired. Ivan tugged his own jeans down his legs and off into the floor.

“Damn, Chris. Your entire body is the most beautiful work of art I’ve ever seen. You’re intoxicating.”

“Then drink me till neither of us can see straight.”

“Your wish, baby.” Ivan was lost in lust for Chris’s body. He’d never seen anything like him, like his cock, like his balls…like his ass.

“Chris – really. I’m not kidding. You need to be sure. If I start, I won’t be able to stop.”

“Promise, Iv?”

Ivan lifted fingers to Chris’s mouth. “Would it hurt you to suck my fingers and get them good and wet for you?”

“Let’s try.” And as Ivan gently outlined Chris’s gorgeous mouth with his fingers, Chris licked them and drew them deep into his mouth, sucking them and wetting them and tonguing them.

“Now, Ivan – now.”

Ivan withdrew his fingers from Chris’s warm, luscious mouth, and touched them to his opening. “Can I touch you inside?”

Chris reached down himself and plunged Ivan’s fingers deep inside him, lifting his hips toward his Ivan’s hand, moaning with pleasure. Ivan thought he would come again just at the tightness of Chris’s body inside against his fingers. This was pleasure beyond his wildest dreams. So soft and warm.

Chris was pumping Ivan’s fingers deep inside. “Ivan,” Chris’s voice was barely audible, it was so full of lust. “Now, please. I can’t wait any more.”

Ivan just looked into Chris’s eyes and saw his future there. He lifted Chris’s legs to his sides, and gently pushing his own dick into Chris, immediately felt tears sting his eyes.

“I just can’t believe this. I’ve found you. Everything I’ve ever wanted.” Ivan’s voice broke with emotion and passion, as he began stroking Chris inside, sliding against his prostate, making Chris cry out with pleasure. Ivan couldn’t hold back, couldn’t slow down. Chris dug his fingers into Ivan’s hips, begging him to push harder, faster, as he humped up against him, slapping their skin together. Deeper and hotter and out of control, Ivan almost yelled with passion when his orgasm ripped through his hard cock, throbbing more cum than he ever knew he had to give.

Chris’s eyes were squeezed shut as the shudder of deep climax shook his entire body, his engorged cock squeezed between their bodies, warming them both with his warm fluids.

Ivan collapsed back down, nuzzling Chris’s neck, trying to get his breathing back under control. Reaching up to his ear, Ivan breathed, “Chris – is this the way it’s going to be with us? This is real?”

“As real as we both want it to be, Ivan. And I want it to be forever. Will you marry me?”