As advised, the next two Fridays I am posting One-Shots that have already been done.

This is from Collection 4

Uncertainty

Jim felt Bones’ hand on his shoulder just before Bones said, “Jim?”

He stared out at the stars, unseeing. He knew there were stars out there, sure. He’d seen them a thousand times. Maybe more. He’d been on the observation deck more times than he could count. But the peace it usually offered wasn’t there.

“I’m okay,” Jim said hollowly.

“The hell you are.”

“I’m barely holding it together here, but I am holding it together.”

“What happened? This has something to do with the hobgoblin, doesn’t it?” Bones put his hand on Jim’s arm and turned Jim to face him. “What’s he done?”

“He hasn’t done anything. Bones, this isn’t him. It’s nothing to do with Spock. There is no Spock.”

Bones frowned. “No Spock? What? I thought you two were—”

Jim shook his head somewhat frantically. “No. We aren’t.”

“You slept together. I saw you two together on shore leave. You did, right?”

Jim shrugged Bones’s hold off. “I’ve fucked around with lots of people. It doesn’t mean shit.”

“But this isn’t just anyone. It’s Spock. He doesn’t do casual.”

“You’re wrong. He does. He did.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It was just sex, Bones. To get it out of my system. And now I have. He has. We’re done.”

“Jim—”

“Can you just go? Leave me alone, please. I need this time alone. Bones, please.”

Bones stared at him a long time. “This isn’t over. But all right.”

Jim closed his eyes and waited for the sound of Bones leaving before he opened them again. He closed his fists.  He needed to feel numb. To be so fucking drunk he felt nothing but air.

There was still a day left of shore leave. He was going to get royally fucked.

By the time he got down to the planet, evening was falling on the planet. Perfect. He’d get smashed, find some random stranger to fuck him up, and it would no longer matter.

He saw the Orion female with the long raven hair and glittery eyes as soon as he walked into the bar. As he approached the bar, her pheromones called to him. He walked straight up to her and she turned her head to look him in the eyes. She smirked and grabbed the back of his head, her long fingernails grazing his scalp. Her lips were on his, devouring, biting. He closed his eyes, trying to block out all thoughts of Vulcan heartbreakers.

Their kiss broke and he was panting with lust. She grabbed his hand and started leading him from the bar, could have been toward his death, to ultimate oblivion, and he didn’t even care.

She pulled him into a lift and against her and he closed his eyes, burying his face against her neck. Then his vision narrowed and winked out as he fell to the ground.

When he woke he was in his own quarters. He had no recollection of how he’d gotten there. His hair was damp as though he’d just showered and he wore only a pair of briefs.

Jim blinked up at the ceiling.

“Why did you leave?” A soft low voice, warm and comforting that flowed through him to his very core.

Jim closed his eyes. Of course. A neck pinch. “You know why.”

“No.” Footsteps approached his bed. “I thought…”

He swallowed heavily. “I don’t do relationships.”

A soft movement as the bed shifted. “You are afraid.”

He shook his head in denial, but then nodded. “Yes. I’ve never gotten anything right. Not about that. I didn’t mean for it to get that far but you-you’re—”

“Will you open your eyes and look at me?”

Jim opened his eyes and stared in the most beautiful brown eyes he had ever seen. Ever would see. His heart clenched. His eyes stung. “You’re incredible. You really are.”

“With you.”

“You don’t need me.”

Long fingers touched his lips. “I disagree most emphatically.”

“I love you,” he whispered, his voice raw and broken.

“Then do not turn away from me. Give me a chance to prove we can work more than just a few short hours during shore leave.”

“I don’t want us to be a regret you have.”

“Ashayam, never.”

“Spock—”

“Please.” So simple, so honest, so desperate.

He could never deny Spock. Why had he ever thought he could?

Jim reached for Spock’s hand, curled his fingers around the palm. “Yes.”

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