Don’t really know what that has to do with my post, I’m just a Star Trek nerd.

Sometimes I feel like this:

chrispinesmokinaces_big-1

Or maybe this:

contemplative

I love December and the holidays involved with it. But it is not without its stresses and also its sad moments. A couple of people I was very close to had birthdays in December and each year that passes with them no longer with us I cannot help but feel that heartbreak.

Neither died during December but their births remind me even though both have been gone several years now.

One was born on December 12, which has now already passed for the year, and though I won’t go into details of the significance or even the identity of this person, there is a particular Christmas song that reminds me, Augie Rios’ Donde Esta Santa Claus. For a long time I was unable to get this version, which is the one that I remember my loved one for. Then a few years back on December 12th, I was sitting in my car waiting at the train station when the radio station I was listening to played this song and that version. To this day I remember sitting there with tears streaming down my face.

I do not believe in God, have not for a very long time, but to say that was a freakish coincidence is putting it lightly.

Now, I own this song and play it at least once on the 12th, and other times too.

The other was born on the 18th, a week before Christmas. She has been gone fewer years than the other but her absence is also keenly felt.

And others, too. Each year sees changes in our holidays, absences that cannot be overlooked. And I feel that more as I get older. Your mortality hits you hard at some point.

Last night was not a good night for me. I spent the night in severe pain on my left side from a bad arthritic attack and no matter how I tried I could not get comfortable. Losing loved ones and living with pain is something you learn to get used to as you age, I guess. But all I know is that time is marching on and will eventually leave me behind.

Tomorrow, Saturday, I intend to do a lot of Christmas shopping. I want to finish everything. I have a good start but tomorrow it will be over, if I have anything to say about it. I admit I have gone way overboard this year. I just feel the need to. My credit cards will not thank me later.

And since more and more holiday stuff is coming up, I am beginning to think I have bitten off far more than I can chew with regard to my holiday stories. Should have learned to leave well enough alone.

I have no more time off from work coming up other than the regular holidays of December 26 (for Christmas) and January 02 (for New Year’s). I decided to let co-workers take the holiday time to be with their families. And I have a ton of work to do, as always.

Anyway, I am working on the next chapter of I Heard the Bells. Should be up tomorrow before I go marathon shopping.

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